came too soon.

 this came too soon. 

LX mumbled “brown brown de” as she was standing in front of the mirror while we were changing her after ballet class. Initially, we were trying to make out what was it and thought we might have heard it wrongly. We then ask her what brown thing is she referring to and to our dismay, she pointed to her birthmark.

My eyes swelled up upon hearing that and couldn’t help feeling apologetic towards her. I have no idea why it is on her face and I remember I was quite upset upon hearing it from the PD when she was born. Random thoughts then went through my mind “is it something that I have done or ate during pregnancy that could be avoided? All the negativity hit me and I found myself tearing a little.

On the other hand, her dad laughed it off and told her is her birthmark and this made her really special as God made everyone unique. He didn’t took it very seriously at all, I went on to show her all my moles and said to her “see mama also have a lot of brown moles on my face.”

She said “I don’t want brown brown de. I don’t want be special”. This really broke my heart, at 2 years 11 month she actually knows and I was totally caught off guard by her. Didn’t expect this to come so soon? The only good thing was she didn’t prompt any further and went back to her usual self behaving like a monkey jumping around else I won’t know how else to respond.

Prior to this, we have consulted the PD with the thoughts of removing it when she was a baby but was told she was still too young and is not advisable for her to undergo GA. Last year Nov, we bought her to polyclinic to get a referral letter to see a specialist as “we” or probably is just me wanting to know what are the options available if in the future either me or she requesting to remove it.

We didn’t turned up for the KKH appointment as I discovered that I was pregnant with very bad morning sickness, everything was put on hold. Tried calling to schedule an appt with KKH yesterday but was told referral letter is only valid for six months, we have to get a new letter again.

That very night I had a chat with sbd after both the kids went to bed. He didn’t think it was a big deal and of course if she chooses to remove it, we won’t object to it. What we want her to learn and know is that with or without it, we still love her and she’s still beautiful to us just like how our daddy God loves us for who we are.

Of course the world is shallow and we can’t stop people from saying what they says. And this lead me to wondering what actually triggered her to notice it, did someone laughed at her or asked her about it in school?