Second Pregnancy + Miscarriage

The story goes like this:

On our 3rd wedding anniversary (22nd March 2017- 12am)

Me: Happy Anniversary! (Sent a photo of myself with the positive test kit to the Husband)

I was away from town travelling for work. It was yet another 2 weeks of missing home. The day before breaking the news to him, I went to Walgreen to get a test kit as I a strong feeling that I'm finally pregnant again! Couldn't contain the excitement. I was so eager and are anticipating to see the lines again on the kit once I'm back in the hotel.

Yes, I see the lines!! I was really happy at that very moment and almost wanted to share it with the hub at that instance cause we have been trying since LX turns one. I then decided to keep it as a surprise till it is Singapore 22nd march which is our third wedding anni to announce it to him due to the vast time difference between Chicago and Singapore.

Hubs: "hehehe! Happy anniversary!"
Hubs: "Lexin gonna be sister!"
Hubs: "It's a gift from God"

Indeed, is a very precious gift from God.

I'm finally back in Singapore and there they are waiting for me at the arrival hall. I misses them so so much! I don't know how I'm going to deal with all these work travels after this trip but I am so happy that being pregnant meant that I can't travel for work anymore. This pleases and makes me happier.

Guessing baby is at week 5 when we found out. We decide to see the gynae only at week 7 cause we know we can only hear baby's heartbeat till then else it will just be a sac.

6th April - First Check Up 

We met baby for the very first time and we could hear baby's heartbeat. Something that is so so precious, I almost teared as I cannot believe that I'm growing another human in me. Giving love and life to this little one. I know this is my second pregnancy but to me this felt like it was my first pregnancy. Sbd is there with me throughout the start of this journey, nothing has changed.

Just a few days before the first check up, I had some spotting and was initially thinking to visit the doc a day earlier but I guess is normal to have some spotting so it doesn't warrant any concerns. I still bought it up to the Gynae on the day of the check up just in case. She checked and confirmed that I have polyps which result in spotting if I cough too hard etc. Did a swap test and the results is non cancerous and was told they can only remove it after giving birth.

The next check up was scheduled on week 11 where we will be doing oscar test followed by regular check up. During week 6 to week 12, I had very bad morning sickness. Everything that I eat, I will just throw up thereafter. This is the same with LX, just that I think is slightly better. Gynae did asked if I wanted some MC or letter so that I can work from home but I rejected it.

Somehow I feel that it's not very nice not to go for work? Felt compelled to get my work done and no excuse should be given. I struggled to go to work even thou there are days that I felt not well and regretted not getting doctor's letter to standby just in case.

Different people react differently to pregnancy. I have friends who do not having morning sickness at all and at times when I'm vomiting badly I do really envy and think why am I having it. Won't it be nice to be just like them.

8th May - Oscar Test 

As usual went for oscar test and followed up by a routine check up. During the oscar test, baby was very active. Doing somersault and waving hello to us and I couldn't stop smiling looking at it. Baby was so cooperative that everything was done within 30 minutes! Couldn't see gender yet thou but this baby is totally different from LX. I could feel baby's heartbeat just by pressing my tummy and his movement is really big. I'm not sure if I'm hallucinating but I could really feel his movement.

After oscar, we went for routine check up and gynae gave me some medicine just in case I had bleeding due to polyps but otherwise everything is good. Just need to go back and wait for oscar result.

10th May - Oscar Result
 

Received a call for the clinic and result is all good! Whee, this calls for a celebration and was intending to break the news to my colleagues on the following week.

14th May 

It was Mother's Day and also the day I passed the 12 weeks mark! We have not been going out due to poor appetite and tiredness so decided that since is Mother's Day, we shall go for a nice brunch. Pretty much enjoyed myself. Went home to nap and head to mum's place in the late afternoon.

Second spotting came and I didn't even realised it. Didn't feel quite right, told hub that we should go home early. Having stomach cramps along the way and I thought I'm just having diarrhoea.

Quickly took the medicine that doc gave and kept running in and out of the toilet. Spotted a string of blood clot coming out. Was contemplating if we should head to the emergency for a check or to wait till the next morning.

It was then, i felt a sudden gush of water that came out when I sat on the toilet bowl. Is a funny feeling, I felt like I have read about this before somewhere? Seemed like is mucus plug followed by water bag bursting which equates to natural birth.

This is something I never experience before since LX is delivered thru an emergency c-sec. We called up and went down immediately. LX was soundly asleep, hubs tula her and drove all of us there. Along the way, I could feel that I'm bleeding non stop and the intensity of the stomach cramp increases too.

15th May 

I lay on the hospital bed while waiting for the gynae to come. The first thing she did was to check my cervix and ask me to cough a few times.

I knew something was amiss. She apologised and told me sorry i just had a miscarriage. They pushed me out to the operating theatre to undergo GA and perform a D&C to clean up my womb. We were asked if we would like them to perform some tests to see what might have been the cause of it and we agreed.

The next 24 hours is the most painful and lowest point of my life ever.

Came out of OT at 3am and saw my 2 precious, immediately broke down crying upon seeing them. After sorting out my emotions, told hubs I'm fine and asked them to go back home to rest since there is no additional bed for them.

In between, nurse came in and out to test my blood pressure, bought in my breakfast and medicine.

Nurse: Do you want to see the baby?
Nurse: Do you want to bring it home?
Me: Ermmm..will wait till my Husband come and see baby together.

I totally didn't know what to expect out of this.

Hub came and nurse bought in the baby in a box with sunflower. He is a fully formed baby and is 13 weeks old. I felt so sorry and guilty towards him. And yes it is a him, saw his little birdie.

What went through my mind was probably a lot of what if. What if I have gone to the doctor earlier, would it have changed anything? What if I have not done this or that, probably all these won't have happened? Could it have been me or what I have ate wrongly etc? Is it because I carried LX?

Out of all these, I never once question why God give and take it away as I knew he has his plans for us and everything happen for a reason. We just got to trust in him and he is the centre of our family.

After days of grieving and strong support from hub, I accepted and acknowledge my son's presence. He is all good now and is with God. We loves him and he is always going to be so precious to us. He will always be LX's little brother.
 

22nd May - Gynae Review 

This is what I really want to share with everybody which is the cause of this miscarriage. On 15th May - they tested CMV positive in my blood which isn't there on 8th May during the oscar test. So I was infected with CMV virus infection which is dangerous for women who are pregnant as it cause miscarriage and other implications.

So Gynae asked if I work in daycare centre etc. Cause it is commonly found in children and transmitted via bodily fluids such as saliva and nasal secretion.

I don't know where I got it from and there are way too many possibilities. Shall not dwell in looking for who should take the blame but rather than to move on.

No one had heard of CMV and it is also my first time. Even if baby were to survive through the pregnancy, baby with CMV will be born with disabilities such as deafness and serious complications in life later.